


Bad Idea

by OptimisticallyCynical



Series: Breaking The Hawk [12]
Category: Cobra Kai (Web Series)
Genre: Don't worry though, M/M, Miguel saves the day, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29070939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OptimisticallyCynical/pseuds/OptimisticallyCynical
Summary: After seeing the aftermath of his own plan to take Demetri out of the picture, Hawk's... not entirely okay with it.AKA: time to get shitfaced and hangout on rooftops.
Relationships: Demetri/Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz
Series: Breaking The Hawk [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103372
Comments: 35
Kudos: 105





	Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> It's nice to be able to post these using my laptop again. :) Now I can add tags!   
> Also, Hawk is... not okay in this one. I mean he's not okay in general but he makes a pretty bad choice here so... warning for anyone who might be sensitive to this kind of subject, he does drink a lot in this chapter, like, I think he would have to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning, and than he does nearly jump off a building so just, be warned.   
> Also, I didn't reread this one and edit it because I, didn't want to. Sorry if there are mistakes. 
> 
> Stay safe out there everyone and there are people to talk to if you need it!

Hawk was starting to wonder if maybe he had a higher tolerance for alcohol than he thought, because it was taking far to many cans to try and get as shitfaced as he needed to be right now.

He was standing on top of... some, building... some... where- he’d honestly lost track of which part of the city he’d even wandered into around can seven- but the world before him was bright and swarming and if he tilted his head at just the right angle, it may all of the dots dance.

For a brief moment, maybe somewhere around him giving up on beer and instead downing a quarter of the micky, he’d thought about moving off of the roof, just in case it was a little to tempting to get a little to close to the edge, but than his brain had felt warm and fuzzy and the lights were so welcoming he figured it would be fine.

So he tipped his head back and downed another mouthful, not even feeling the burn anymore. Some of it slipped from the corners of his mouth and down his chin and he ripped his mouth away from the spout to roughly wipe his hand over the mess, growling when his finger slipped and stabbed harshly into his cheek.

Ow.

He wondered how badly Demetri’s cheek had stung when Yasmine had slapped him in front of the entire school.

Oh no. No-no-nopity-nope-nope.

He wasn’t drunk enough yet to go over the events of today.

Allyoop.

He tipped the bottle up again, this time not pulling away until his lungs were on fire with the need for air.

He gasped, his body pitching forward and- oh, hello. When did the street get there? Where were all the pretty lights? Ah, there they were, he just had to lift his head up- Hawk dropped his head over the edge and heaved.

But nothing came out.

Fuck. Sometimes he hated his body.

Well, not sometimes. Most of the time if he was being honest. Not as much as he hated his brain and all of its stupid weaknesses, but pretty close.

He couldn’t stand up so, yeah, hanging with half of his body over the ledge was nice, at least with his cheek resting against the cool brick it helped to chill the burn of his skin.

He shivered, his mind numbly wondering why when his whole body felt like it had been set on fire.

Ugh, he was so tired.

But his brain felt to wired to sleep.

Maybe if he beat it against the nice brick it would help him pass out.

Hello Mr. Brick would you be a pal?

Hawk laughed.

The laughter of the kids at school echoed back.

He screwed his eyes shut, clutching at the wall until he could feel his nails crack against its unrelenting surface.

_“_ _Whoa, check it out. I didn’t know Yasmine was such a freak.”_

_Hawk glanced up at what Kylar had nodded his head towards, the other cobras around them already snickering in agreement._

_But hawk could only feel his stomach twist, fighting hard to keep his face neutral._

_Demetri looked like hell._

_It wasn’t even the dark and_ _unconcealed_ _bite marks that littered not only both sides of his neck but along part of his jaw that was creating a heavy stone like feeling to crush Hawk’s insides,_ _n_ _or_ _was it_ _the cuts from where his teeth had sunk deep enough to draw blood._

_No._

_I_ _t was the strangely_ _vacant_ _look over the others features that sent a chill through his blood._

_A look he’d never seen on his fr- enemies face before. Even after all of the years that they knew each other,_ _even after Hawk had snapped the bone in his arm._

_He reminded Hawk of the zombies in those shows he use to like watching. Shambling along on slow and unsteady steps. It looked as if a single breeze could leave him crumpled on the ground._

_Even from the distance he could see how bloodshot his eyes were, the deep purple under his lids so pronounces they looked more like bruises._

_He looked... defeated. Like a husk of the guy he’d been the day before._

_Good. That’s- that’s what Hawk wanted. That was the plan._

_Demetri had been taken out of the picture._

_He’d broken him, just like Sensei had told him to. Aim for the heart and rip it out right?_

_“Looks like he got mauled by a wild animal.”_

_Hawk jumped at the voice so close to his ear, fighting against flinching when a hand landed heavy on his shoulder. Licking at his dry lips he tossed a look at the Cobra who dared to touch him, the guy seeming to get the hint and quickly moving back._

_“_ _Wouldn’t mind trying to tame that_ _.” Kylar continued, smacking one of the others in the chest with the back of his hand._

_Hawk shoved his hand to his mouth to keep himself from vomiting at the idea of him and Kylar in the_ _position_ _he’d been in with Demetri last night._

_Thankfully, b_ _efore any of them could continue,_ _the sight of bright blond hair caught Hawk’s attention, and theirs too._

_He could already see what was going to happen, could see the scene unfolding before his eyes as she stormed her way over to Demetri._

_The whole school appeared to move in slow motion, every set of eyes on the two who were drawing closer and closer together._

_From where he sunk into the back of his group, Hawk could feel the fury vibrating off of her_ _as if it was its own breathing entity_ _._

_“Yasmi-,”_

_“_ _What’s her name?”_

_A collective but hushed gasp rocked through the hall, people turning to their friends with hands pressed against their mouths and_ _eyes wide_ _._

_“Oo, looks like this just got good.” One of the Cobra’s whispered with a grin, Hawk ignoring the way that him and Kylar shared a low five._

_His attention was only on Demetri._

_On the small flicker of shame that flashed in those deep brown eyes, at the way the corners of his mouth twitched, his focus being stolen for only a moment by the small cuts left by Hawk’s own teeth._

_The mask of utter blankness was melted away by the sight of the one he cared for, of the truth of what she was confronting him with and his part in it._

_Hawk didn’t feel bad for him. It was his own fault. He’d made his choice. Hawk hadn’t forced him into anything. He’d just dangled the bait in front of him._

_Demetri should have known better than to take a bite of it._

_This wasn’t Hawk’s fault._

_He had nothing to feel bad about._

_This was Demetri’s own fault._

_If he couldn’t keep up with the game, he shouldn’t have started it._

_This was fine._

_It’s what Hawk wanted._

_That look of a soul being crushed like an_ _insignificant_ _bug by the weight of_ _its_ _own choices._

_This is what he’d been hoping for when he’d started out with this idea. Of thinking about what Demetri cared about, and ripping it away from him._

_This was-_

_His breath caught in his throat when those dark brown eyes landed on him. The air turned into a painful ball when those eyes looked right through him._

_A_ _frigid_ _chill settled in his veins when Demetri turned back to the_ _fuming_ _young woman in front of him._

_Had Demetri just..? Had he just- not seen Hawk? Looked right passed him? Took no notice that he was there?_

_That was- that was good right?_

_Yeah._

_It’s what Hawk wanted._

_He tried to believe that as Demetri all but deflated, his shoulders sagging, his hands_ _making small, lifeless_ _gestures_ _by his side._

_Eventually he gave up on trying to stall for an_ _explanation_ _, his hands dropping by his sides._ _“I’m sorry.”_

_The clear and sharp impact of_ _skin meeting against skin rung throughout_ _the hall like a gunshot._

_Hawk didn’t even realize that he’d taken a step forward until he_ _accidentally_ _knocked into Kylar’s shoulder, earning himself a single arched brow from the other._

_He moved back once more, swallowing passed the tightness in his throat and trying to ignore Kylar’s burning gaze._

_On the other side of the hall Yasmine stood frozen before Demetri. His head was still turned to the side, but he wasn’t moving. He didn’t look back at her or try and beg for_ _forgiveness_ _, something Hawk wondered if she was waiting for. The two of them stood as still as statues, the perfect picture of young heartbreak._

_In the oppressing silence that surrounded them, Hawk could swear he could hear the sound of Yaz’s lips parting, could basically hear the whirl of hurtful insults and heartbroken questions she had ever_ _y_ _right to know. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how much it must have pained her to see this, how much it must have been fucking with her head to wondering how long it had been going on for._

_They had been a happy couple. Hawk had seen the genuine joy in both of their faces whenever they were around one another. It was why he’d thought to take out Demetri’s relationship with the girl of his dreams in the first place. He knew nothing would hurt Demetri more than that._

_Why was it that he hadn’t once given a thought to how upset Yasmine would be? Her anger sure. That was something he was counting on. He wanted her to cause a scene in front of everyone. To call Demetri out on his behaviour and humiliate him in front of the school. Yup. That had been the plan and it was working out great._

_But... he wasn’t sure why he didn’t think of how hurt she would get._

_He’d thought that she would yell and scream. That she would_ _expose_ _some type of_ _vulnerability_ _or weakness of Demetri’s sort of like what Demetri had done to him at Moon’s party._

_God, that felt like forever ago._

_But she did none of those things._

_She just stood there, her whole body shaking with crushing disappointment. Silenced by the fact that someone she had trusted so deeply could violate it so much._

_Hawk had to press his hand to his mouth again when he started to feel the bile creeping up his throat._

_Casualties_ _of war Tory would say._

_Hawk was starting to wonder if it was worth it._

_No. That wasn’t right. Of course it was worth it._

_Cobra’s didn’t show mercy. To anyone._

_That didn’t stop his stomach from turning as he watched her give a single, slow shake her head while she stepped back before storming away._

_“_ _Oh shit! Look who just got dumped by front wedgie!” Kylar’s voice booming out right next to his ear made Hawk jump, the still gathered crowed feeding off the drama as they burst out in fits of laughter._

_Demetri didn’t say anything in his defence, didn’t so much as bat an eye. He stood there, alone, a single log trying to stay afloat in the violently crashing waves of the jeers called out by the surrounding student body._

_And Hawk just watched._

_His plan had worked. Demetri barely looked like he had the energy to stand let alone fight back against the onslaught that was already taking shape._

_Pressing everything down, Hawk didn’t bother looking away from a single smudge on the floor until he felt numb._

_It was only when he_ _readjusted_ _the straps on his bag, hiking it up higher on his shoulder and made to turn around, that he felt a hand reaching out and grabbing at his arm._

_“Where’re you going?” Kylar’s narrowed gaze burned into his skin, something a little to edged about his tone._ _“Thought you’d enjoy this.”_

_As much as he hated to admit it, Kylar_ _was right. Hawk should have been enjoying this. He should have been jumping at the chance to rub salt into the wound he’d carved himself. He should be trying to get everyone around him to go for the kill, to play with their food now that it wasn’t willing to fight back._

_He just- he couldn’t._

_“_ _Whatever man.” Hawk mumbled, his own voice sounding strange- off, even to his own ears. “I’ve got other things I need to be doing right now.”_ _Without another word he ripped his arm out of Kylar’s hold and quickly made his way to his first class._

_He couldn’t get away from the name calling and the laughter fast enough._

_It was never something he was comfortable with after having suffered years of first hand_ _experience._

_He tried to tell himself that was why he’d wanted to take off so quickly._

_It had nothing to do with the empty, shattered look over Demetri’s face._

It was the blood dripping off of the tips of his fingers that drew him out of his head and back onto the rooftop of some random building.

Pulling his hand back he squinted at his fingers, trying to make out the damage through the dark and blurry view of his vision. It was all in vein though, everything was spinning way to much, all of the colours were nothing more than a greyish black blur of shades.

Dropping his hand away from his face he allowed it to dangle over the edge.

Over the edge hm?

Had he maybe pushed Demetri to much? Was he going to go over the edge? Would he want Hawk too?

That was the thing that started this wasn’t it? Demetri hated him, and he couldn’t even blame him for it. He wanted Hawk gone right? He wanted Eli back. Hawk honestly wasn’t even sure if Eli was still there.

With his free hand he clawed at his chest, having to pull away from where he’d been leaning against the ledge to get his arm between him and the wall.

If he could tear into his heart, could he get Eli out? Would that make Demetri happy?

Nothing would make Demetri happy. Hawk had made sure of that.

Yaz had made Demetri happy, and Hawk had made sure that she left him. He took her away from Demetri.

Because he knew it would hurt him.

He was an awful person.

It was no wonder Demetri wanted him gone.

Everyone probably wanted him gone. He was a shit person.

Not even the voice in his head could think of anything to say against that.

All he ever did was mess up peoples lives, causing messes where ever he went. Everywhere he showed up people got hurt. And it was always his fault, always because of something that he’d done.

Why? He didn’t want this. How had it all gotten this out of hand? How could he stop it?

A heavy feeling dropped in his chest, he wondered if it was his heart. Did he even still have one?

Lifting his hand to take another swing from his drink all he ended up doing was smacking himself in the mouth.

He hissed, pulling his hands back, his whole body swaying as he squinted down at his fingers.

What the hell? Hadn’t he just been holding a beer? Or the vodka bottle?

Just the slightest tilt of his head made the whole world shift violently. It felt like half his head was full of water that couldn’t decide if it was going one way or the other. He stuck his hand out to catch himself, losing his balance even while sitting.

God could he be anymore pathetic?

The palms of his hands skidded painfully across the cement- was it cement or concrete buildings were made out of? Demetri would know- but when the tips of his fingers thudded against thick glass the pain was quickly forgotten.

Ah, there it was. He must have just... dropped it, at some point. When? Why couldn’t he remember?

Hawk had to laugh, his fingers curling around the thick stem.

He must have been a sight to see right now.

Leaning back against the wall he rested his elbows against the shelf to give them a little more stability. It didn’t seem to help his hands out though because when he tried to raise it to his lips it slipped away.

The distance crash of it smashing to pieces rang loud in his ears, even from so far.

Hawk didn’t move.

His eyes were glued lazily to the broken glass, to the way that it shined like little fireflies against the abyss of the road.

It was really pretty.

Would it be better if that was him?

It wasn’t like there would be anyone to miss him right? Maybe his Mom, and... no, he couldn’t think of anyone else.

It would be fine if he just disappeared right? It would be better for everyone else? They’d probably be a lot happier.

Tory would be able to take the lead of the group no problem, Sensei could finish weeding out the weakness, Kylar could... not have to deal with him anymore. Sam would be happy no doubt. Bert would probably breath easier, Mitch would think that it would be justified. He didn’t know the others very well but he assumed that the rest of the Miyagi Dos like Chris and Nate wouldn’t bat an eye, not to mention whoever else had joined them. Moon would... probably be a little sad. Would it be selfish to think that he almost hoped she would be? He supposed it didn’t matter. She’d moved on. She deserved to be happy. Hawk had fucked that up big time.

He tried to get to his feet, stumbling to his knees a few times, pain flaring up that quickly got snuffed out with the soothing numbness of alcohol. He reached out, one hand slipping forward but the other catching the edge seconds before his whole body could go over.

Wait. Why’d he bother stopping himself? Wasn’t that the point?

God, he couldn’t even do this right.

He laughed again, the sound distorted and broken.

This was a good idea. Without him here Demetri could be happy. Maybe he’d be able to fix things with Yasmine. He could blame everything on Hawk. It was kind of his fault. He’d come on really strong. He’d been selfish. He just... he didn’t know what he wanted.

But this seemed right.

Straightening out his arms and legs, Hawk swayed heavily to the side, nearly toppling over again. He managed to stay on his feet though, and with a little difficulty he got his foot on the ledge.

He grunted as he pushed himself up- holy shit his body felt like it was made of lead- tipping back and forth, his hands swirling like little windmills by his sides to keep his balance.

Eyes unfocused he took one last look out at the skyline before him, admiring the way that the lights of the city gave the world a hazy sunset like effect.

Huh, well, if this was going to be the last thing he saw, it wasn’t that bad.

Something solid and thick wrapped around his waist, a yelp tearing from his throat as he was ripped off the edge and pulled backwards.

Suddenly everything was upside down, his balance completely thrown, crashing to the rooftop with a searing pain along, well, everywhere.

Groaning he tried to get up, but his body refused to work anymore, only allowing him to roll over on his stomach.

What the fuck?

“Jesus Christ! What on earth were you thinking?”

That voice? He knew that voice.

Dragging his head against the cement he ignored the pain of his cheek scrapping across it, blinking up at the person standing next to him.

“’uel?”

“What?” Miguel was panting, quickly kneeling down by Hawk’s side, shoving at his shoulder until he’d rolled onto his back. “Haw- oh shit man! You smell like a liquor store exploded in an alley.”

Well that was rude.

A groan pulled passed his lips when he was pulled up into a sitting position, a hand on his shoulder keeping him in place.

“Dude what the hell?” Miguel seemed to be mumbling more to himself than anything, Hawk trying to bat his hand away when he started to wipe at his face with his sleeve. “Were you..?” He trailed off, his eyes darting over to the end of the roof. “You know what? That can wait till later. Let’s get you down from here first.”

“‘o. ‘em feen.” He tried to shove Miguel away, but his hands didn’t seem to want to work right, traitor, never actually getting anywhere close to pushing him away.

“I don’t- ugh, come on.” The original Cobra was muttering away to himself, completely ignoring Hawk’s desire to be left alone as he placed Hawk’s arm over his shoulders and dragged him upwards. “Okay, we’re just going to go for a little bit of a walk alright bud?”

Hawk huffed, to focused on dragging his feet and struggling not to trip over them to put up much of a fight. Numbly he tossed a look over at where he’d managed to stand, letting out a deep sigh with a scowl over his face.

He hadn’t thought of Miguel.

Because he knew he wouldn’t let him do it.

Apparently by trying to keep Miguel out of his thoughts he ended up summoning him in person.

“‘ss ‘upd.”

“Yeah, okay man.” His other arm was wrapped firmly around Hawk’s waist, his hand patting lightly at his stomach in some form of comfort.

Hawk felt stupid for enjoying it.

He rubbed sloppily at his eyes when they started to burn, a small hiccup breaking passed his lips. Thankfully the other boy didn’t say anything about it, only tightening his hold around him. Strong, secure and safe.

He could feel a splintering in his heart. Cracks spreading out through his chest like the delicate lines of a spiders web.

Hawk tripped on his next step, falling to his knees. Miguel landed right next to him.

He couldn’t breath. His chest was heaving for air and he couldn’t breath.

The pain was all consuming, twisting and turning his insides as he choked for air, his bloodied hands clawing at his throat as if he could tear the flesh away and create a new hole to breath from.

But Miguel grabbed a hold of his hands, pulling them away from him gently.

“You’re okay.” He whispered, letting go with one hand to rub at Hawk’s shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay. I promise. We’ll fix this.”

A broken sob tore out from the very depths of Hawk’s soul, finally breaking through the tight feeling of his throat and allowing him to suck down lungfuls of air with a violent shutter.

He dropped his head against the others firm shoulder, clinging to Miguel like a child, tears running down his cheeks in thick, salty rivers.

Two thick arms wrapped around his shoulders, a hand running soothing circles over his trembling back. “I’ve got you, don’t worry.”

Hawk only cried harder.


End file.
